by John | Mar 9, 2014 | Blog
Art by Dick Giordano from First Kiss #31, 1963.
I admit my date with my dentist didn’t start out well.
I mean, I had to make an appointment. And the receptionist Carol asked me for my insurance—almost like I was really there to get my wisdom teeth pulled!
But then Carol took me to a small room. It was decorated to look like a dental office. But I knew it was really a private dining room. I sat in a big, deluxe chair—comfy enough for wild, dental sex!
Then Carol handed me a big bib and, of course, I squealed like a teenage girl on her first date. (Which—by the way—I was.)
“Oh, my! Is this a lobster bib?” I asked. “I’ve never had lobster before. I’m a lobster virgin!”
Carol just shook her head and walked away. She never came back. She didn’t even take my drink order. (No tip for that bitch!)
I was pretty steamed, but then—a mere 45 minutes later—Dr. Dreamboat showed up for our date. So I couldn’t stay angry.
And, guess what? He gave me drugs. What a great way to start a date!
I don’t actually remember anything after that. But—after I woke up and stopped throwing up—I was super sore! So I knew I must’ve had a good time.
And that’s when I knew…I was in love!
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the revamped version of this art and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Mar 6, 2014 | Blog
Art by Sid Greene from Diary Loves #2, 1949.
I’ll only keep Tiffany, Tipsy and Titsy for a day. Maybe two. A month at most.
Honestly, I’m not attracted to beautiful women. I’d rather be with you. But what can I do?
If I don’t personally select the women for my stripper bar, how can I be sure they’re fine, upright—except when they’re hanging on poles—double D (for decent) and mostly moral maidens?
Trust me, my dear, the world is not ready for exotic dancers with loose morals!
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the revamped version of this art and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Mar 4, 2014 | Blog
Pencils possibly by Charles Nicholas. Inks by Vince Colletta. From Brides in Love #10, 1958.
And it wasn’t just the office either. I’d trained a girl to take my place at home too!
No more chores. No more awkward family dinners. No more cramped sex in the closet with the chess team!
From now on, I was going to get what I wanted…with whom I wanted…wherever I wanted.
And the first thing I wanted was a new dress…and a fancy bra that said “Good to the last cup!”
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the revamped version of this art and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Mar 2, 2014 | Blog
Art possibly by Charles Nicholas & Dick Giordano. From Brides in Love #13, 1959.
Fortunately, her husband was the parson of the Church of Heavenly Pure Passion. (Motto: “God is love. So make God as often as possible.”)
So could she be happy? You bet!
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the revamped version of this art and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Feb 27, 2014 | Blog
Art by Vince Colletta Studio from First Kiss #7, 1959.
Men are like fish. Some are good catches—the kind you want to take home and mount…on your wall or whatever.
And others are scaly, slimy, smelly mistakes–undersized and sorta icky. Those are the ones you just want to throw back into the lake—after they pay for dinner, of course.
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See this art revamped and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Feb 25, 2014 | Blog
Artist unknown. From Great Lover Romance #16, 1954.
Oh, Clem. When you kiss me like that—a little lower, please—it’s better than free cocktails at an under-age bar!
And then, when you kiss me like that—more tongue, Honey—it’s sweeter than a snow day on the first day of summer reform school. (Did I mention that I’m still 17…before we crossed the state line?)
And when you kiss me like THAT—keep going, Babe, you’ll get the hang of it yet—it almost makes me regret that you’re marrying my sister.
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the modern version of this art with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Feb 24, 2014 | Blog
©2014 William Van Horn
The following is an excerpt from William Van Horn’s book “The Woes Garden.”
If there was one thing in life that was sacred to Erma Shotbag, it was keeping a promise. Even a promise to her husband, Morris.
“Morris,” she said to him one autumn day in 1927, “if you don’t stop sucking on that damned pipe, I promise I shall never speak to you again!”
Now Morris Shotbag was not a man earmarked by fate to achieve much in life and he knew it. Yes, when Fate did nod his way on that day so long ago he was ready.
Recently, on the occasion of his 80th wedding anniversary, Morris acknowledged that the only thing he still found difficult to do with a pipe in his mouth was eat spaghetti.
“Aside from that,” he chuckled, “I’ve managed just fine.”
Erma Shotbag had no comment.
Used with permission. The Woes Garden art and text ©2014 William Van Horn
by John | Feb 24, 2014 | Blog
My friend William Van Horn is a certified genius. (Or maybe a certified mechanic. I forget.) In any event, his writing and art are brilliant.
We’ve worked together many times on Disney comics. But Bill’s Disney work only channels a very narrow portion of his talent. Starting today, I’ll be occasionally showcasing samples from some of Bill’s unpublished work. Hopefully, it won’t be unpublished for long!
First up, a sample from Bill’s book “The Woes Garden.” —John Lustig
Foreword:
The fictional spoofs in this book were inspired by a series of news fillers I encountered in one of our local papers in San Francisco, back in the Nineteen Sixties. They were usually no more than a column inch or two describing often-tragic events that nonetheless bordered on back comedy. Events that were downright surreal!
So just for fun, imagine that the following events described really happened. After all, who knows? In a world as screwy as ours they well could have.
—-William Van Horn
Read sample from The Woes Garden here.
Used with permission. The Woes Garden art and text ©2014 William Van Horn
by John | Feb 23, 2014 | Blog
Art possibly by Jack Sparling. From Great Lover Romances #14, 1954.
I’m not really cheap. But I do try to keep my prices competitive.
Unfortunately, my costs—eatable underwear (32 flavors); whipped cream (nondairy alternative available); defibrillators (13 kazillion volts)—keep going up. And, if I don’t pass those costs onto my customers, then I can’t afford new jewelry.
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the modern version of this art with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
by John | Feb 20, 2014 | Blog
Art by Charles Nicholas & Dick Giordano from First Kiss #7, 1959.
ALLAN: George doesn’t have to know about us, babe. I mean—it’s not like I’ve gotten you pregnant. At least—not for sure!
JANE: Well, I suppose…
ALLAN: Sure. Telling the truth just leads to problems. That’s why I always lie to my wife!
JANE: You’re married?
ALLAN: Uh…umm…I mean, no! But—see? If I’d been telling you the truth just now…we’d both be sorry!
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the modern version of this art with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
