Although Ed Bertoli took top honors in this first Last Kiss Couple-Up contest, there were hundreds of other submissions and many of them were hilarious.

In fact, I ended up naming not one, but five runners-up:

Him: Kiss me, my darling.

Her: Braiiiins!

Charles Kramer


Roger: I’ve just realized how much you look like MOM!!!!!!

Wife: Who wants a spanking ?!

Helen Stockfleth


Oh no! I just realized – I’M ALLERGIC TO METAL!!!!!

Gary Dunaier


ROGER: You would be perfect had I included a heat source. Unfortunately, you’re cold.

ROBOT: Then I am the perfect duplicate of your wife.

Keiko Alvarez


Roger: You just keep going and going… I’m exhausted.

—Jacqueline Hallenbeck


Other Fun Submissions

And there were lots of other great gags that came very close to cinching one of the top spots. Here are some, but certainly not all:

Roger: You’ve e-wired into my bank account, my PayPal account, my credit cards! And you’ve spent it all on online shopping!

Robot: Resistance is futile… especially when it comes to shoes.

—Janet Heatherington


ROGER: Just open up those pod-bay doors, honey.

ROBOT: I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.

—Bob Cumbow


Him: At Last! My sex-bot is finished , she’s a perfect duplicate of my wife.

Her: Not tonight honey I have a headache.

—Clifton Alvin


He: You’re perfect.

She: So’s your toaster.

—Andrew Merton


Him: Finally! There’s no way my wife can refuse a three-way when both women are her!

Her: Computer? I barely know her!

—Christopher Murphy


Him: “Sweetheart, I’m in the mood for love…”

Her: “Headache subroutine activated….”

—Ed Rosa


Roger: Hunny what is that thing your mouth is doing? You’ve never done that before.

Robo wife: I believe it’s called a smile.

—Jackie C.


Revised: Invert images so that she is first…

Robot wife: Darling, don’t forget our anniversary this weekend.

Roger: (thought bubble) Must remove memory chip.

—Jacqueline Hallenbeck


Roger: Please…I have to go to work.

Robot: I’m sorry, you set the lust level too high and satiation has not yet been reached. Please continue your efforts.

—Baron Schaaf


Him: “My creation, you are complete! The perfect, flawless spouse who can never tire, grow old or die!” Her: “And I’ve completed my robot mother – the mother-in-law who can never tire, grow old or die!”

—Chuck Huber


He says, “You’re perfect, except for the autocorrect.” She says, “Take me to bad. Rummage me. I want to make live.”

—David Kirkpatrick


You mean I’ve done all this work, and you DON’T want a threesome?

—Kathy Moon


Him: Why… you’re so warm! So full of life! You’re even… smiling!

Her: That’s because even a robot like me couldn’t be as cold-hearted as your wife!

—Korey Watkins


Poet Roger: Your ageless beauty inspires an English sonnet.

Robot Wife: Your sexual stamina reminds me of a haiku.

—Jacqueline Hallenbeck


Roger: And now I’m going to make love to you for hours and hours on end.

Robo-wife: Activating “suspension of disbelief” mode…

—Ed Bertoli