You Can’t Have Him!

No, this is not a poster for the HBO TV series HUNG.

But it could be. Hollywood, I’m ready to sell out. Call me!

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SCENE: Woman hugging man on a beach. She's looking out at the reader.

WOMAN: You can’t have him! He’s mine! I paid for the entire hour!

Art by Dick Giordano

Manly Man Cave

Although I write 99.9937 percent of the Last Kiss gags, I occasionally get a suggestion from someone that sparks a great line of dialog. In this case, it came from colorist Allen Freeman.

I asked Allen to color this art before I had a gag in mind. Normally, I’m somewhere between pleased and ecstatic with Allen’s color choices. But this time I was–well, flabbergasted. What the $#@$ was he thinking?

So I called Allen and the conversation went something like this:

ME: Allen, that room is really pink. And purple. And…oh, my god it’s so…so…pink!

ALLEN: Yup.

ME: Don’t you think it’s a little…uh, too pink?

ALLEN: I was thinking that maybe that the wife picked the colors and that the gag could be the husband’s reaction.

ME: <Pause.> Yeah, that might work.

Thanks, Allen! (Hey, do you think it should be a little pinker?)

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Man is sitting an armchair in a very pink room. He looks very uncomfortable. His wife looks around the room and seems very satisfied.

WOMAN: Too feminine? Nonsense! Your “man cave” is perfect...now!

Art by Colletta Studio
Gag Idea & Color by Allen Freeman

Twisted!

I think I’ve played my last game of Twister®–dressed for it or not. I can still Twist. It’s the untwisting afterward I’m worried about.

↓ Transcript
SCENE: A young man and woman are coming inside through a doorway. On the other side of the doorway, greeting them with big smiles are a somewhat older man and woman. The young woman is wearing a skirt.

YOUNG WOMAN: Sure! I’d love to play Twister®! But I’m not really dressed
for it!

OLDER MAN: With luck...By the end of the evening...none of us will be!

Men Are Men! And Women Are…

Sometimes you write a gag and–well, you don’t really like it that much.

But you decide to run it anyway because you’re either pressed for time or perhaps your spouse thinks it’s funny. Or both.

Today’s gag is in the “both” category.

↓ Transcript
MAN (smiling and shrugging): Accept it, Babe! Men are men! And women are…

WOMAN: Grossed out!

Together Forever

Some forevers are longer than others!

↓ Transcript
MAN: We'll be together--forever!
WOMAN: Gee! I'm already bored!

Art by Vince Colletta Studio