Dog Not So Gone

Dog Not So Gone

It’s a dog’s life…if you’re lucky!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: A woman is carrying a dog. The dog looks soulfully at the readers.

CAPTION: Ralph discovers one of the good bits about being turned into a dog!

DOG: I can pee on the floor…and she still sleeps with me! How about you?

Caption ©2010 Orson Scott Card
Art & dialog ©2010 Last Kiss Inc

M-M-Magic F-F-Fingers!

M-M-Magic F-F-Fingers!

Orson Scott Card created a lot of captions for my recent dialog contest and I could only use one. They were too much fun to waste, though.

So–with Orson’s permission–I dialogued two of the wildest. Here’s the first. The second appears Friday.

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Young woman lying face down on a bed with a green bedspread.

CAPTION: Alien spy Ha’as Fratu got his jollies by taking the form of a green bedspread!

WOMAN: o-o-o-o-w-ee! I m-must be the l-luckiest g-girl in the universe! I p-put a
quarter in t-three hours ago…and the b-bed’s still v-v-vibrating!

Caption ©2010 Orson Scott Card
Art & dialog ©2010 Last Kiss Inc

Gordon Pyke Wins Contest; Guest Caption by Orson Scott Card

Gordon Pyke Wins Contest; Guest Caption by Orson Scott Card

Congratulations to winner Gordon Pyke (and to everyone who took part in the contest.)

Second Place honors went to Jeff Willis for his submission: MAN: I feel faint. WOMAN: You should put your head between my knees.

Third Place bragging rights went to Gale Grove for the following dialog: MAN (thinking): I knew that she was a real women when she opened the beer with her tongue.

Special thanks to Orson Scott Card for writing the opening caption and setting the scene for the contest comic.

There were lots of great submissions that didn’t win prizes, but that are well worth reading. Some of my favorites are here.

↓ Transcript
Caption by Orson Scott Card
Dialog by Gordon Pyke

SCENE: A man and woman are picnicking below a tree. The man is on his back and has his head is in the woman's lap. He's holding a beverage in one hand. The woman smiles and looks down at him.

CAPTION: She knew he was a real man when he fell out of the tree without dropping his beer.

WOMAN: I guess climbing trees isn’t your thing, honey! Why don’t you try something easier…like me?

Three’s a Crowd! Two…Ain’t Enough!

Three’s a Crowd! Two…Ain’t Enough!

Lucky me. Not only did Orson Scott Card create a caption for the current writing contest (submit through Feb. 5, 2010), he also wrote the dialog for today’s comic.

Frankly, I love it. (If Charles Addams did romance comics I’d like to think they’d be like this.)

Orson actually wrote captions for a number of other Last Kiss panels. I’m just trying to figuring out the best time and format to use them. As I said before…lucky me.

↓ Transcript
Special guest writer: Orson Scott Card
Scene: Grim-faced man in the foreground; woman behind him over his shoulder, looking worried.

WOMAN: But you said if I sacrificed my conjoined'd
love me forever!

MAN: I wasn't talking to you!

Read Dialog in Last Kiss/Orson Scott Card Contest

Submissions are no longer accepted for the contest. But you can still read the all of the submissions. We received hundreds! The challenge was to use Orson Scott Card’s opening caption as a starting point and come up with dialog for the man and/or woman in the comic.

(To help select a winner, vote here. Winner announced Feb. 15, 2010.)

Submissions from Fans:

Cruelly mocked by the Homecoming King ten years ago with such nicknames as “Pepperoni Puss” (acne), “Nebraska” (flat and plain), and “Frez Nell” (thick glasses), Eustace Tittlesworth would have her revenge at the reunion picnic, as soon as the effects of his arsenic-laced cocktail took effect.  — Torsten Adair

Billy Bob: Well, hell’s bells Norma Jean, this is my very last day ever as a tree hugger! From now on you can consider me a bona fide, genuine devoted Lap Lounger, for sure! This is darned comfortable. Norma Jean: (thinking) Why God? Why me? I only went braless the one time, and this is how you punish me?  —  Michael Clark

He wasn’t sure if he was suffering from heat stroke or if he was just dizzy in love, but he knew one thing… the only thing that could provide him relief was the shade from her gigantic rack.  — Stan Yan
…Not realizing that he had just been thrown off the branch by an irate chipmunk.  —  Chris Martin

Her thought balloon: Screw visiting Granny, this dude is hot.  —  Karyl Miller