What are these people saying? It’s up to you. Suggest some dialog! Please keep it reasonably clean (PG-13 or so.) But mostly have fun!
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Phew, I’d give it 5 minutes if I were you.
I’m here to read the meter, Mr. Peter.
I’m sorry Mr. Gladstone, but this is 1963. Nothing is quick when a girdle’s involved.
Whew! That’s the dress I was going to wear, but I grabbed the suit first!
Woman (1): I’m ready for your report, Mr Doe.
Man (thinking): Woa, what a dress. I need that one for myself
Woman (2 – thinking): Why does he stare like that? Men is all alike, mere beasts… I love BEASTS!
(side note: sorry for the bad english – not my native language – but I enjoyed trying writing something I thought funny – I hope you will enjoy it too. I have just bumped into that very web site and well, love that! I will still digging into the content freely available and then, try to find out how to support the author, as I live in France where I never saw any merchandises about last kiss)
As a former English teacher, you get an A+.
Arg! found a typo after posting, what a shame:
Woman (2 – thinking): Why does he stare me like that? Men is all alike, mere beasts… I love BEASTS!
Don’t worry about the typos, LoneWolf. I think you’re doing great. Besides, your English is a lot better than my French!
Lady: Remember . . . dinner tonight with my parents, dear.
Tramp: Great! How about fast food?
Say…..You’re not bad looking for a $20 whore!
Guy: Welcome home, darling. How was your day?
Lady: Same as usual.
Guy: Great. Want to celebrate in the bedroom?
Lady: No – I separate work and private life strictly.
Yes damn it.. You look fat.. Now take it off!
I like this but might suggest just a slight change:
“Yes that dress makes you look fat. You’d better take it off…NOW.”
WOMAN: I’m leaving you… and I’m taking the comic artist with me.
MAN: How do you expect me to live in a blue limbo without a face?
WIFE: Let’s stay indoors today. The forecast calls for Yellow with a chance of scattered Mustard.
Woman thought bubble: Look at that, he has pants on for once!
Woman: Honey–I can’t help but notice that my panties are all stretched out. You wouldn’t know anything about that–now would you?
“You’re right – panties are flushable!”
she: john I’m leaving you, you lied to me.
john: honey , get over it, I was just campaigning
She ” Were we going to the office Christamas party or a funeral? He “What’s the difference?”
She: You and that damn computer what’s it got I don’t
He: It doesn’t ask stupid questions, but then again it doesn’t look good in a dress.
He says; “Ah!, I guess you caught me with my hands in the till!”
she thinks; “Thats some register receipt!”
She: Merry Christmas!
Him: Uh…I’m Jewish.
Weak, I know.
Man, “OH MY GOD DON’T LOOK!!!”
Woman, “What? It’s not like I haven’t seen anything like that before…”
She thinks, “Well, not that small anyways…”
The guy says: “If I wasn’t married, I would ask her to marry me.”
He: Oh, you’re home early! I was just showing my new friend Mona here our bed —- room.
She: Don’t you think she’d have a better view if she was standing up.
WOMAN: No wonder the list price on this house was so low. The artist was too lazy to draw anything but the front door.
BROKER: And the lamp. Don’t forget the lamp. Plus, if you buy this place on a land contract, I’ll have the artist sketch in a toilet.
I like yours, BEMaven. Plays the fourth wall very nicely. 🙂
Face it, Tiger, you’ve hit …. Oh wait, you’re not Tiger!
Jack – “Hi hon. What’s that in your hand?”
Jill – “Oh, . . a divorce document.”
Woman: “I’m heading off to work, honey – see you later.”
Man: “Yes, dear – but make sure to close up that incision before you go – your viscera are showing again.”
He, thought ballon: ‘Thank you, Santa!’
Man: Go… Make me a sammich!
She ” In NASCAR the Blue/Yellow flag signals the slow cars to get out of the way of the fast cars” He ” If you know that, why are you still dressed?”
Man (aloud): You must be my blind date.
Woman (thought): Considering how you look, I wish I was blind.
HE is saying: “Gee, Frank, not a lot of guys could carry off that look, but on you…”
Her: Pack your bags, Honey! I won the lottery?
Him: What should I pack?
Her: I don’t care … just get out!
Har har har, I LOVE that joke! Glad someone thought of using it!
MAN SPEAKING:
Bob… you look so (delicious) different!
The woman … aka “Mavis” — Johnny, you’re looking a bit blue.
Man: Maggie, come back to me!
Woman (thinking): I was only holding on ’til Jill gets divorced!
Couldn’t resist making a Cat On A Hot Tin Roof reference, the lady looks like Elizabeth Taylor! 😉
I know no one was named Jill in the play, but how is her turn if you know what I mean, haha.
Man: I told you to stay out of my closet
Woman: And I told YOU that you can’t be prettier than me when we go out
“You are just in time. My zipper appears to be stuck.”
man: “Sorry, the ocean exhibit is closed after 5:00pm.”
Tool-box is the name and plumbing’s my game. Where is your blocked toilet ?
She: Mr. Dorchester, I’ve had it. I quit. I’ve never in my life worked for such a boob!
He (thought bubble): Mmmmmm. Boobs.
Wooof!
WOMAN: Wha–? YOU’RE not SHELDON!
MAN: Neither are YOU!
He: Oops, awkward! As long as you’re here, would you hand me a kleenex?
Dang it Jane–get your own little black number!
Man: Yes honey, this is Jim. No honey he doesn’t have any clothes on. Would you believe I was giving him a colonoscopy? Would you believe I was treating him for itchy butt? How about diaper rash?
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, the holodeck and thou.
Yes, so what if I’m making bunny shadows on the wall!
Woman: It’s a boy!
Man: But I’m infertile!
Strobe lights at the disco???