Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story “Make Believe” in First Kiss #7, 1959.
Yes, there was a time when everyone read newspapers. Before that we all communicated via smoke signals and by grunting around the campfire while eating woolly mammoths.
It’s true. Ask your mother. She’ll be delighted that you think she’s so old.
Meanwhile, back in the present…
See the revamped version of this art and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.
Meanwhile, back in 1959…
See the original 1959 art and dialogue for today’s Last Kiss webcomic here.
SCENE: Woman startled by something she reads in the newspaper.
NEWSPAPER: “Looking for handsome, charming man who promises to love me forever! If found, please return the lying jerk to…”
Art: Vince Colletta Studio Color: Allen Freeman
©2014 Last Kiss Inc
In the future, you should’ve read this by now.
If you haven’t read this by now then…please read it right away. Otherwise you may be stuck in the past–forever!
SCENE: Woman holding some papers and making an announcement.
WOMAN: This just in! Time travel works...in the future!
If today* is your birthday then here’s your horoscope — guaranteed** true:
You are a sensitive, wonderful, caring person. But your habit of screaming and spitting at people gives some folks the wrong impression. They think you’re a bitch.
They don’t understand that you’re really just acting out because you’re shy. They don’t know that — deep down inside — you’re just asking for love when you fire those warning shots!
What to do?
This is your year to find true love and happiness. Be confident and positive in all your dealings. Try not to shoot anyone — unless they really deserve it. (Everyone who doesn’t believe in horoscopes — particularly Last Kiss horoscopes — deserves it!)
Invest your money wisely. When in doubt, flip a coin. Or better yet, send me your money and I’ll invest it for you. Send cash. Don’t tell me your name. I’ll already know who you are!
* “today” is defined as whichever day you read this. Fate will ensure that you read this on your actual birthday. If you think this isn’t your birthday then you’re probably wrong. Talk to your parents and check your birth certificate for signs of tampering.
** By “guaranteed” I mean, of course, “possibly.”
WOMAN (reading a newspaper): My horoscope says I’ll fall in love and be happy! Gee! I wonder if I’ll miss you and the kids!
I love newspapers, but that’s old news…
SCENE: Woman looking (incredulously) at a newspaper.
WOMAN (thinking): News printed on dead trees! How quaint!