Hey, anyone who’s a parent is really a superhero, right?
SCENE: A mom and dad at home with their young daughter.
CAPTION: Dr. Hugo Mania and Prof. Mary Shrinkhead (AKA Major Ego and Captain Id) were as happy as two superheroes could be! But then they got married and soon they were facing their toughest challenge…raising a child!
MAJOR EGO: Let’s take Suzy with us on our crime patrol!
CAPTAIN ID: She can carry a laser cannon! We’ll call her Super Ego…the tiny tot of Freudian Justice!
SUZY: But I want to go to the beach!
SCENE: SCENE: Scene shifts to family in bathing suits at the beach.
CAPTION: Holy Dr. Spock! What a dilemma! Pummeling criminals (until they admit their self-destructive tendencies) or spending "quality time" at the beach! What will they choose?
CAPTAIN ID: Well…I suppose we can fight crime here instead!
MAJOR EGO: Sure! Evil mutant surfers are bound to show up!
SUZY: Lord! I just pray I was adopted!
Well, at least she’s cooking–sorta. These days, I’m either eating things cold (salads) or I’m microwaving. Does that count as cooking?
The Major General of Lustig Culinary Delights (Shelagh) has been AWOL much of this month on a nursing assignment–healing the sick and no doubt laughing at jokes funnier than mine. (Sob!) Fortunately, she’ll return in a few days and so I’ll have my audience/laugh track back.
In the meantime, it’s not like I can’t fend on my own. I’m eating pretty healthy. And it’s kinda fun seeing how many forgotten items from the fridge and pantry I can throw together in a wrap and see if they explode in the microwave. Tomorrow I may break out the wok and stir fry whatever’s in the freezer. Now, that’s real cooking!
SCENE: Young woman and young man are on the beach roasting marshmallows.
WOMAN: See! I told you I can cook!
The longest of long-time readers might recognize this as a modified version of the first Last Kiss comic ever published–way back in 1996! Yes, this is the twisted silliness that launched the vast Last Kiss empire.
The moral of this story? Kids, don’t listen to your parents! You can make a living being a smart ass!
Scene: Couple in bathing suits at beach. Woman crying.
MAN: Honey, please! Next time you bury me in the sand...don't put me in a casket!
WOMAN: My other husbands never minded when I buried
I know it’s a little early in the year for a beach scene, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve been wanting to use this gag for a long time!
MAN--whistling at beautiful woman in bathing suit as she walks by.
WOMAN (thinking): Why can't he just ignore me? I'm ignoring him!
WOMAN (thinking again): Gosh, I hope he knows I'm not thinking about him.