Are you too beautiful for your own good? Yeah, me too.
No, this isn’t a leftover costume from Halloween. Mary MeeKwick dresses up for every occasion. Dining out. Cleaning the toilet. Robbing banks. She’s always a vision of loveliness…
Ladies, as the official spokesman for all men, I can assure you that today’s comic is…oh, hell. It’s true. But don’t feel that you actually have to cook for us.
I mean, it’s not like we’re going to actually die of starvation. We can follow recipes (if there are pictures); toast bread without burning down the house (sometimes); and we can learn to whip eggs into submission. (Bad eggs!)
In short, we’re as smart as you. We’re just lazier and better at ordering takeout!
Last Kiss Character Bio — Anna Rexia was born in Last Kiss, USA on April 1, 1990 and she officially weighed 6 lbs 9 ounces. However…
“It’s not true!” sniffed Ms. Rexia. “If only I could go back in time. I could prove that I only weighed 6 lbs 2 ounces!
“The nurse who weighed me was obviously jealous because I was so much cuter and slimmer than her. She had fat, horrible 7-ounce thumbs and I’m sure she snuck one of them onto the scale.
“I’ve always been careful about my weight. At one point, I actually weighed less than nothing. Of course, my parents worried. A strong gust of wind–or rampaging squirrels–could easily carry me off.
“So, every weekend when we went camping, they’d tie me to a big boulder to keep me safe. Sometimes I’d be safe for days. But then I’d get loose and find my way back home.”
Now that summer’s officially over, it’s good to take a moment and savor autumn. And then immediately panic because (Holy Crud!) there are only &^%# days to Christmas! And Hanukkah! And Uncle Binky’s birthday–it’s coming too!
And Aunt Lucy’s hemorrhoids! Shouldn’t you send a get well card?
What to do? What to do?
Fortunately, you’re a Last Kiss fan–so you’ll be prepared. Yes, the new Last Kiss greeting cards are still available. And shipping is free on all orders now. Best of all, every card sold:
1) makes me fabulously rich (in an alternative reality where Bill Gates is my brother. In this reality, it’ll just help me pay my bills and keep Last Kiss going. Yippee!)
2) proves that you’re funnier and more brilliant than all your friends–unless, of course, they buy Last Kiss cards too.
3) makes the world a better, funnier place. Unicorns will return to Middle Earth. And gravity will finally be negotiable. (There’s more, but I don’t want to make any promises I’m not sure I can keep.)
Buy Last Kiss cards today–and save the future from boredom/
