What are these women saying? It’s up to you. Suggest some dialog!
Rules: No prizes. No winners. No losers. And no deadline. This is just for the sheer silliness of it all.
For legal reasons, I have to tell you that all submissions become the property of Last Kiss Inc. That’s pretty standard for contests–except, of course, this isn’t a contest.
Please keep it reasonably clean (PG-13 or so.) But mostly have fun!
woman in green: “I may not be blond but at least my curtains match my carpet!”
Blond “Besides, He called me 4 Eyes”. Brunette ” So what? He calls me Lard Buckett and it’s a lot easier to loose glasses than 20 pounds. Tell you what, lets arm wrestle for him”
woman in green: “so I says to the guy-if ya wanna wear my underwear, its gonna cost ya extra”
Woman in Green: “So, it’s been over a decade of peace and quiet now since my husband disappeared and if I’m lucky, they’ll never find the body.”
No, I don’t do windows, but l do husbands at no extra charge.
“See? Don’t those glasses make my boobs look bigger? Now just wait until Bob comes home…”
Okay, in re-reading it, the joke wasn’t clear. So what she MEANT to say is…
“See? Don’t those glasses make my boobs look bigger? Now when Bob comes home, put these on and look at his pants.”
Still not funny? Oh, well.
funny both ways
Woman in Green: Hey, Shelly! My face is up here! Jeez … I get enough of that from MEN!
Oh, I think this should be the winner!
women in green; (in Martha Stewart type voice) ” Simply cleaning your garden tools then burning your clothes will guarentee you can get remarried in a year!”
Really, you’re going to have to do something more. That blonde wig and those pink eyeglasses aren’t going to get you a date, Harold.
[woman in green] Yeah, I wearing my blouse inside out. Deal with it!
Lady in Green: ” Do, you think my Playtex bra is too pointy?”
Blonde with glasses: ” No, I have been staring at them all afternoon.” “C’est bon.”
Woman in green: “When he asked me about you, I told him you were married. And gay.”
Woman in green:
“No more pricey manicures for me, honey. I bought an electric pencil shapener.”
Note from tencentsadance:
That’s sharpener, not shapener. Typos! And at my age!
Hey, where do you want me to put this window with curtains?
woman in green: “See? With my Magic Potion(tm), I can lift off a window with a bare hand!!
blond: “impressive, but it must be expensive…”
woman in green: “Only five hundred bucks on lastkisscomics-shopping.com!!!”
“I KNOW; it’s flawless! I wouldn’t go to anybody else for a sex-change operation. I mean, can you tell — even if you look very closely — that I used to be Joe Lieberman?”
“Joe Lieberman? If you were Tiger Woods, I’d be impressed. But Lieberman — dear, I could have done it with a WIG.”
Celebrity Spotting: Everybody say “Howdy” to Donna Barr–creator of the infamous Desert Peach comic http://www.desert-peach.com/comic/ comic and all-around comics guru at: http://www.donnabarr.blogspot.com/
“…..and the best thing about the house is that it comes with a view of Rock Hudson’s bedroom; although, I understand in a few years you won’t really care.”
So do the X-ray specs work, can you see through my bra?
Of course your glasses make you look sexier… the same way my push-up bra makes me look more intelligent.
I started dressing as a woman to avoid the draft, then I found out I liked the attention…
Hey, dressing like this kept me out of Vietnam…
(Green woman) Well, at least he let me cuddle with his dog after.
OK, let’s take it again from the top – “I’m a little teapot… “
“…short and stout.
“Here is my handle and here is my spout!
“And when I get all steamed up hear me shout.
“Just tip me over and pour me out!”
“So can you see what I’m holding?”
“Nope. I guess these lenses still aren’t big enough”
Woman in green:Oh honey, you grip his jewels like so and that’s how you train ’em to behave.
“And this is the window we’ll leave open for the neighbors to watch us…if you don’t mind?”
I love this ice cream diet you put me on but I think I may be gaining a little weight.
(inspired by Debbie Harry of Blondie fame)
Woman in green:
Oh, so YOU’RE my husband’s mistress? And I thought I had something to worry about!
(A big HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!)
Too too funny Best Destiny and thank you for the new year wishes.
Happy new year to you too and here’s for a 2010 full of the witty efforts of John’s fans.
Woman in green: It won’t work, Velma. Even as a blonde you’re not going to steal Fred from Daphne.
Woman in green: Don’t worry so much about boys dear. You know I wasn’t always this beautiful but I still found your dad. He saw the true beauty in me and we were married within a year….then we had you…the sex stopped…he had an affair…he had that wierd accident…
Girl in blue: Mom!!!!!!!
Honey, don’t worry about boys. Once they see what a sexy mom I am they will be all over you .
Yes honey, I was the first MILF.
You think I look good now, just wait until I put on my Denny’s uniform.
Honey, it’s not about the birds and the bees it’s what you do on your knees.
I knew I had heard it from somewhere. I am getting old.
Who cares if the ring doesn’t fit anymore, I still have that man wrapped around this slightly plump finger.
I figured if I couldn’t get a rich husband I’d settle for one that was at work all the time.
How to spank your boyfriend? It’s all in the wrist honey.
Wenn Sie mit Ihrem Mann müssen Sie Ihr Handgelenk Verwendung versohlen.
Very poorly translated using Google from the spanking new comment above. I will stop now…but it is so much fun. John, you are a very funny guy and you have very funny readers. Keep it up and thanks for letting us have some fun too.
Yes Vanna, anything you can do I can do better.
This body didn’t come cheap. It took years of alimony to pay for this fine porcelain figure.
Now Superman, I understand the whole Clark Kent / glasses thing; but the blond wig?
DAD I TOLD YOU GET COUNSELING!
Actually – my husband came up with the pattern for the curtains. All I did was holding his balls like this and squeeeeze …
No, honey, work masturbating a jerk is not so strange… I did that for your father the last 30 years.