The Nurse Who Lost Her Patients

My wife’s an LPN (Low-Paid Nurse), but she’s a bit more gentle than this. In fact, Shelagh’s a terrific nurse. I found this out 26 years when she was my mom’s nurse. She did such a good job that I married her.

Still, don’t mess with Shelagh. She has sharp needles and she knows how to use them!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Nurse flings a man over her shoulder.

NURSE: Fluff your own pillows!

Hello! Good Buy?

I know. I know. You can’t actually buy Happiness.

After all times are tough. So you can’t afford the super-sized, deluxe package of 2010 Happiness that you see advertised on TV.

But for low monthly payments you may be able to buy a version of last year’s Happiness. (Economy-sized, slightly used and factory reconditioned.) Act now and we’ll throw in extra Joy and a complete season of Glee!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Wide-eyed young woman with wrapped, presents that she has apparently just purchased.

WOMAN: Gosh! I CAN buy happiness!

Me? Cook?

Fortunately (for everyone’s sake) I’m not expected to cook this Thanksgiving. So there’s much to be thankful for right there. No food poisoning this year. No need for anti-acids. No desperate three-legged, relay races (Don’t ask!) to the bathroom.

Just family, friends, fun and honestly good (as in tasty and digestible) food.

I hope you and your family enjoy the same!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: A very alarmed woman reacts to some bad news.

WOMAN: Oh, no! You expect me to cook!

Gravity Got You Down?

I can’t take full credit (or blame) for today’s comic. The heavy boobs gag was suggested by my wife (Shelagh.) I noodled with the wording a bit and added the line from the helpful guy in the background, but the basic, uh…thrust of the gag is all hers.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Woman with her eyes closed and her head and arms resting on a desk. A man walks through a doorway in the background.

WOMAN: Gravity attack! My boobs are...so heavy! Need help…fast!

MAN (singing): Here I come to save the day!

Don’t Ask! She won’t Tell!

Other questions you don’t have to answer…

–Are you just happy to see me or is that a single-shot, 40-mm grenade launcher in your pocket?

–If God is your copilot, who are the flight attendants and why haven’t they brought us drinks by now?

–Are you sure the sky is blue? Really? You think that’s blue? Have you ever considered that “blue” might just be what “they” want you to think it is?

–Do you feel “blue” now? Are you sure you don’t feel red instead?

↓ Transcript
SCENE: A tense, young woman stands over a bed looking down at another woman on the bed who's swooning happily.

TENSE WOMAN STANDING: Straight or gay? You have to decide!

HAPPY WOMAN ON BED: Oh, shut up and let me be happy!