Original Vintage Art & Text
Art by John Tartaglione from the story “The Sea Green Eyes!” in First Kiss #5, Sept. 1958. Charlton. The story begins on Page 28.
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↓ Transcript
Closeup of a man and woman talking.
MAN: The secret to our happy marriage? I trust you--always!
WOMAN: And I trust you too!
WOMAN (thinking): Sometimes.
1958 Art: John Tartaglione Color: Diego Jourdan Pereira
Trusty, Lusty Writer: John Lustig
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MAN: The secret to our happy marriage? I trust you--always!
WOMAN: And I trust you too!
WOMAN (thinking): Sometimes.
1958 Art: John Tartaglione Color: Diego Jourdan Pereira
Trusty, Lusty Writer: John Lustig
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5.5.2.5
What it sounds like when awkward people fall in love.
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“I knew then I was lost…irrevocably, dizzily in love!..
…which might be why I kept wanting to vomit…”
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“…And if my feelings are any barometer, it will awaken a new interest in poetry!..
…Now there might be 3 people who read it!”
…Now I should say most people say my feelings about things like this are less a barometer and more the pop up bubble on a Trouble game board that you press to roll the dice. But still…”
…I mean I was right about the revival of the mullet, wasn’t I?”
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“…I won’t be poor anymore…”
Yeah Ralph. Cos there ain’t no money like poetry money.
Have I done that joke before?
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“Say, has anyone ever told you that you have sea green eyes of the purest aquamarine?”
“Hmmm. Let me check a Sherwin Williams color wheel, and then I’ll let you know if that comment gets you into my panties or not.”
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“Say, has anyone ever told you that you have sea green eyes of the purest aquamarine?”
“Honestly most guys I date can’t say words with that many syllables. So no. No one has.”
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In a twist, it turned out Ralph was actually asleep during this exchange. And his voice had been done by his buddy sitting behind them who was a professional ventriloquist.
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As Lydia was soon to find out…once you go poet, boy did you blow it.
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For the record, I actually do like poetry. But there is something about Ralph from “The Sea Green Eyes” that just makes me appreciate prose.
Jams,
Can’t be said often enough about poetry money. To modify something from Dead Poets Society a lot:
We don’t write poetry because there’s money in it. We write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Poetry triggers passionate feelings in women.
Well, poetry and humor:
“If you really want to impress a girl make her laugh. Make her laugh so hard she uncontrollably snorts like a little piggy. Oink Oink girl. You’re mine now.”
I always love making a woman laugh so hard she snorts, the really fun part is her reaction when I call her out on it. Seriously, it’s one of the best pick-up lines “Did you just snort?”
THREE people reading poetry? That’s triple, isn’t it?
Maybe she’s in love with him because he’s a “Longfellow”.
And then… Poets making money… Longfellow… So I google “Paul Revere’s Ride” and see a parody:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tuG4SuTscA
Got me thinking, that yes, there is money in poetry. Almost all of that money is involved with music. You want to make money through poetry? Write music.
I had to memorize and recite Paul Revere’s ride for 8th grade English. Got a D.
Had a friend who recited E E Cummings’ “The Boys I Mean Are Not Refined”. He got suspended.
Ah the 8th Grade. Such formative years for my literary sensibilities.
At least he didn’t recite “there once was man from Nantucket…”
My mind is just all over the place about Poetry and Music. It’s led me to a WAP review by Rachel Handler:
“You know the part in Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman nearly dies but then John Travolta gives her a shot of adrenaline to the heart and she wakes up gasping and screaming? This barely approximates my reaction to “WAP,” the new song from Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, which dropped on Friday and woke me from months of pandemic-induced depressive pseudo-slumber. I am not afraid to declare that this song is freaking perfect. Lyrically, it is Shakespeare by way of Pornhub — an evocative, comedic tour de force, an enviable mastery of both tone and form. Sonically, it is the very embodiment of filthy, delirious joy, a paean to loving your vagina so much that you must dance about it with friends and tigers in a shallow indoor pool.”
“Swipe your nose like a credit card.” Shakespeare by way of Pornhub. Gotta love it.
I can agree there are lyricists out there who could count as poets. I get why Dylan won the Nobel. And I can see cases being made for Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, Tupac Shakur, and They Might Be Giants (yeah. I know those familiar with TMBG might be raising eyebrows at that one. But I still say “Ana Ng” and “She’s an Angel” are two of the most bittersweet love songs ever written).
But Cardi B? No disrespect to Ms. Handler, but I have WAP in a playlist titled “Awful Songs”. They are songs I think are so bad they are funny.
I remember listening to Revolting Cocks version of 2 Live Crew’s “Me So Horny” back in the 80s. And dancing to Lords of Acid “I Sit on Acid” and “The Crab Louse” back in the 90s. So filthy lyrics don’t phase me.
And yeah, I’m Mr. Dick Jokes and what not. But “I want you to park that big mack truck right in this little garage” isn’t too far off of “I’m a freak in heat/a dog without warning/got an appetite for sex/cos me so horny”. If WAP is erotic poetry, then so is 2 Live Crew. 2 Live Crew never was or never will be poetry.
Sorry Ms. Handler. I just can’t agree with a Cardi B/Shakespeare comparison, even if that flight has a layover at Pornhub airport (awful pun intended).
And then, there’s the poetry of the song KREAM. Sometimes it takes a village. Poets credited:
Songwriters: Amethyst Amelia Kelly / Clifford Smith / Corey Woods / David Porter / Dennis Coles / Gary Grice / Gt / Isaac Hayes / Jason Hunter / Lamont Hawkins / Michael Stevenson / Nima Jahanbin / Paimon Jahanbin / Robert Diggs / Ronald Spence Jr. / Russell Jones
Kream lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Shakespeare by way of Pornhub by way of a third way to make a woman yours. Poetry, Humor and Money.