No Substitutes for Sex

No Substitutes for Sex

Okay. Here’s the Jack Nicholson version of “No Substitutions.”

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↓ Transcript
SCENE: Man holding a menu as a waitress looks on.

MAN: I'll take the Passion Plate Special! Hold the matrimony and give me kinky sex instead!

WAITRESS: No substitutions!

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  1. Torsten Adair says:

    Old Perceval decided to treat himself for his 100th birthday. So he flew first-class to San Francisco and checked into the Fairmont Hotel. The mischievous hotel concierge got an idea and, as a practical joke, sent a call girl up to his room.
    She knocked, and the old fellow walked slowly over and opened the door. He saw a beautiful red-headed woman standing before him.
    “I have a birthday present for you,” she said, and smiled.
    She leaned forward and whispered, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

    When guys get that hungry, they usually just have a hot dish on the side.
    “Thanks,” he said thoughtfully, “I’ll take the soup.”

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