If you think this title is a groaner–well, you’re right. But consider my alternatives:
—Death Before Ditched Spawners
—A Widow Case of Murder
—Putting the X in Ex-Husbands
—A Black Widow’s White Lie
—Black Widow Discovers Secret to Low Divorce Rate
WOMAN: I want to stay friends with all
my ex-husbands! But they never live long enough for the divorce!
Let’s make this a real national holiday. The parades alone would be worth it.
WOMAN (in bed): I’m not taking a sick day! I'm taking a sex day!
“I drink to forget. Unless I forget to drink.”
—Slurpswell Von Tramp
SCENE: Man and woman drinking.
WOMAN: I used to drink before dinner! But then I realized--who needs dinner?
Art by Vince Colletta Studio
“I feel good about myself, but then I haven’t looked in the mirror today.”
–Modesty Von Tramp
SCENE: Woman looking into a compact mirror.
WOMAN: Who makeup? I've got inner beauty and anti-depressants!
Art by Charles Nicholas
Don’t throw curve ball, puny pitcher! Or Hulk smash!
SCENE: Three men talking in an office.
MAN: Sure, he’d make a great pinch hitter! But can the Incredible Hulk pass a steroids test?
Art: Dick Giordano & Vince Alascia