Virginity: The gift that keeps on not giving.
Also funny in German!
Welcome to Virgin Err…the airline that makes you feel like it’s your first time. Flying Virgin is like a trip back in time. So–if you’re late–it isn’t our fault!
Cute family nicknames are fun. After all, anyone can have an Uncle Fred. (I mean it. We’re giving ours away.)
But how many of you have an Uncle Stink Face? Ah hah! He sounds more interesting now–right? Suddenly, you want him.
(And you’re in luck! We’re still giving him away. Call now while supplies last and we’ll throw in Cousin Edwin or as we affectionately call him–That Sneaky Little Pervert.)
According to medieval legends, virgins have one super power: the ability to capture unicorns. Alas, unicorns are in short supply these days.
Personally I blame global warming. And perhaps the Japanese. (Hey, they kill whales! How much harder would unicorns be?)
In any event, without an ample supply of unicorns, our country’s moral purity is at stake. No unicorns equals no virgins. It’s that simple.
So forget about sex education and vows of chastity. The U.S. government needs to launch a Department of Unicorn Development. I’m willing to take charge of this effort. Just send me $100 billion and a few alleged virgins for unicorn bait. I’ll do the rest.
Ideally, this should be read while listening to “I Can Make You A Man” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show…
