by John | Jun 13, 2010 | Uncategorized
Sophisticated scientific studies (which I just made up) show that at least 100 percent of women* suffer from occasional bouts of male sickness. This disease now has a name (because I just made it up too): Male-o-pause!
If you have symptoms of Male-o-pause (itching, anxiety, breathing) see your doctor. There! Don’t you feel better?
*Do men suffer from Male-o-pause? Who knows? Attempts at research usually end in drunken brawls.
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A woman with her head down and her hand to her forehead as if she's got a headache.
WOMAN: I’m allergic to men! They make me sick…when they’re not around!
by John | Mar 18, 2010 | Uncategorized
Order now. Operators are standing by. And they’re getting cranky!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: A young couple are kissing on a porch. Two identical books are on the porch steps.
HEADLINE TEXT: Are You a Failure at Fornication?
TEXT: A mating dropout? A loving loser?
Then you need the book that’s helped millions…beget more millions:
BOOK TITLE: Sex for Nitwits!
TEASER TEXT: --Learn about sex at home--alone!
--New edition with more pictures!
--Fewer big words!
--And! Shorter! Sentences!
TESTIMONIAL: “Sex for Nitwits changed my life!”
--Votta Von Tramp,
Last Kiss Home for Unwed Moms!
MAN (KISSING WOMAN): I bought two copies so I’d learn twice as much!
WOMAN: I bought three!
by John | Mar 16, 2010 | Uncategorized
See the world. Date the Navy!
↓ TranscriptSCENE: Woman kisses a sailor as another couple looks on.
WOMAN KISSING SAILOR: At last...my collection is complete! I have a sailor in every port!
by John | Mar 9, 2010 | Uncategorized
Operators are standing by! Call now and hire us…before your he does!
↓ TranscriptSMILING WOMAN: Are you looking for a romance that's secure, patriotic and 100-percent American? Then you need...
The Department of Homeland Romances!
The only dating service that offers...
--Extensive background checks...going back to birth! And beyond!
--Electronic surveillance...to find out if he's right for you!
--Misinformation! Don't bother lying to impress him! We'll do it for you!
--Torture! We'll fine out how he really feels about you...plus what makes him cry like a little girl!
We guarantee if you're not satisfied...there's something wrong with you!
by John | Feb 21, 2010 | Uncategorized
I hate it when you forget whom you’re sleeping with. It makes thank you notes so difficult!
↓ TranscriptYoung man is smiling at a young woman in a party dress. She coming down the stairs towards him.
HIM: It’s not just sex! I really love you, Mary!
HER: My name’s Marsha! But close enough!
