Thanks, Mom. I think you’re pretty swell too! Happy Mother’s Day!

The Last Kiss Guide to Etiquette: Don’t French kiss your sweetie’s mom on the first date. Exchanging saliva is never okay…until at least the second date.

It’s not like it’s a big commitment or anything…

Run!!!!

I don’t always know who my characters are. But this fearsome mom is different. Many thanks to fan Torsten Adair who came up with the following name and bio:

Gertrude P. Thornsucker. (The P stands for Patricia.) Thornsucker is her maiden name.

She was once the CEO of Amalgamated Feminine Industries. The company was merged with Sweet & Pink, Inc, at which time she retired as CEO and took a seat on the Board of Directors.

In her spare time, she does needlepoint of stock certificates (highly sought after on Wall Street) while listening to Bloomberg Radio.  She is a championship Bridge player, once beating the pair of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett.  (Warren mowed her lawn, Bill designed her MySpace page.)
Her favorite color is periwinkle. Lawrence Welk’s music makes her so randy that she has a bubble machine AND a giant plexiglas champagne hot tub in her boudoir.  (An underground video of her having intercourse with noted accordionist Wilhelm von Niederbergerhofstein while he played “Lady of Spain” circulates amongst accordion aficionados.)

Her daughter, Johanna G. P. Thornsucker, was adopted as a baby from British Honduras.  She excels in fencing, maintains the Neuro Linguistic Programming page on Wikipedia, and is on the Honor Roll at Makia Valley High School. Upon graduating, she intends to major in International Relations and Global Economics.

She met her current husband, Johnny Esposito, when he was employed at AFI as a junior accountant. (He is twenty years younger than G.P.) No longer employed at AFI, he manages the Thornsucker Family Trust and Foundation, and sits on the board of various local charities.  His pickle chiffon pie is quite famous locally.

Patience is a virtue…if you can afford to wait for it.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Read this comic in German.

Do I need to explain that this is just a joke? And that no babies, moms, or imaginary animals were harmed, traumatized or sexualized in the making of this comic? No? Good!

This comic is now available in German.

Family pride is a beautiful thing!

I’ll be back to sexy silliness next week, but I’ve been having fun with mother-themed jokes this week. Why? Well, it’s probably because I recently created a zillion Mother’s Day gags for a greeting card manufacturer. So I’ve still got mom gags oozing from my veins.

But it’s also because this hasn’t been an easy year for the Mother Obviously Superior of the Lustig clan. So I’m really grateful that she’s back on her feet–and ready to correct my grammar–again. It’s been awhile. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.

Our week-long Mother’s Day celebration continues because–hey, why not? And, yes, my mother’s a superior being. Hope yours is too!

We’re celebrating Mother’s Day early this week. In fact, we’re celebrating mothers all week here on Last Kiss–in all our own twisted way!