Getting married is the perfect way to spice up a first date. If nothing else, it gives you something to talk about when you phone your lawyer the next day.

Weddings are all about the bride.

If you’re the bride, people will tell you it’s “your day.” (If you’re the groom–congrats. But it’s still her day.)

Of course, it’s usually good if the groom shows up too. But your duties as a groom are minimal. Show up and stay conscious long enough to mumble “I do.”

There. You’re done. Simple.

(Guys, I absolutely guarantee that this is the single easiest chore of your entire married life. Never again will you be praised so much for doing so little.)

On the other hand, if you’re the bride–you’re in charge of everything: Cake. Music. Weather. Earthquakes. Nasal hairs. Outbreaks of acne. You get the credit–or the blame.

True story: I only remember two things from my college photography class.

–#1 Never rub your eyes when you’re working with developer. (Or, in my case, never do it again!)

–#2 Shoot the bride. A lot. If the groom wanders into some of the photos–fine. But mostly…shoot the bride.

I’ve spoken to your spouse and she (or was it “he?”) assures me that she/he didn’t marry you for money.

In fact, she (he or even “it”) assures me that given a chance to remarry you “there isn’t enough money in the world to make me do it again!”

Madame Colet: Marriage is a beautiful mistake which two people make together.

Madame Colet (continues): But with you, Francois–I think it would be a mistake.

From my favorite movie–Ernst Lubitch’s Trouble in Paradise. Screenplay by Samson Raphaelson.

So there I was at Denny’s with a bunch of friends after a Cartoonists Northwest meeting.  And–while clogging our arteries—some of us are joking around. Now, not all cartoonists are funny in person.

(I’m only intermittently funny at best—and even then you have to buy me dinner to get a decent joke.)

But my pal Moira McDonough (creator of the graphic novel Venus Penvy) is genuinely witty in “real life.” Still, I was taken off guard when she quipped about “a marriage of mass destruction.”

I loved the line. I hope you do too. Thanks, Moira!