I Can’t Count Calories When My Mouth Is Full

I Can’t Count Calories When My Mouth Is Full

Artist unknown. From the story "Infatuation" from FIRST KISS #4, 1958.

Artist unknown. From the story “Infatuation” from FIRST KISS #4, 1958.

↓ Transcript
CAPTION: It’s the perfect diet! Eat everything you want! Never exercise! And feel great! Is it a scam? Probably. But to find out for sure, mail me a blank check and I’ll send you my new book…I Can’t Count Calories When My Mouth’s Full!

PANEL #1 SCENE: Man and woman sitting in a restaurant eating and drinking.

MAN: You’re ordering another bowl of ice cream? But…you’ve already eaten six!

WOMAN: Seven! But... so what? According to John Lustig’s book, calories don’t matter!

PANEL #2 SCENE: Closeup of the woman talking.

WOMAN: He’s shown me the truth about the inner, thinner me! Fat is a state of mind! And thanks to Lustig, I’ve moved across the border to...a new state of denial and double-fudge sundaes!

CAPTION: Remember: You’re not fat…as long as you can lie to yourself!

4.5.3.3-4

Onion Ring or Diamond Ring?

Onion Ring or Diamond Ring?

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story "Playin' It Cool" in FIRST KISS #12, 1960.

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story “Playin’ It Cool” in FIRST KISS #12, 1960.

↓ Transcript
PANEL #1
SCENE: Young man and woman in car outside a hot dog stand.
WOMAN: Another cheap date? Great! the more you save the sooner you can buy me...An engagement ring!

PANEL #2:
SCENE: Woman holds out here ring finger.
MAN: Babe, right now, I can’t even afford onion rings!


PANEL #3:
SCENE: Man chomps on a hot dog as the woman looks on.

MAN: But someday I’ll buy ya’ a diamond ring as big as your appetite! And we’ll be eatin’ in joints so fancy <Burp!> that I’ll haveta apologize when I fart!

WOMAN: Hot dog!

1960 Art: Vince Colletta Studio Color: Allen Freeman

12.1.6.4-6


Hot Dog Surprise

Hot Dog Surprise

I’ve done this joke before, but I wasn’t really happy with it. Back then I used a cropped version of the first panel of art below. But I thought the art was too cluttered, not terribly attractive and that it distracted from the joke.

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story "Dream Along with Me" in FIRST KISS #32, 1963.

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story “Dream Along with Me” in FIRST KISS #32, 1963.

So, this time, I put together two panels of art—adding in the art below. It is, I think, a great reaction shot and really helps sell the gag!

Art by Dick Giordano and Vince Alascia from FRANK MERRIWELL AT YALE #1, 1955.

Art by Dick Giordano and Vince Alascia from FRANK MERRIWELL AT YALE #1, 1955.

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Two young guys. One is about to eat a hot dog and has it in his mouth. The other guy reacts startled.

GUY WITH HOT DOG: Phallic symbol? What’s that?

Vintage Art: Dick Giordano, Vince Alascia & Vince Colletta Studio

FM1.1.3.6Plus32.1.3.4TwoFigure

Chocolate Criminals

Chocolate Criminals

This Last Kiss image is a composite from two pieces of comic art (both redrawn by Diego Jourdan Pereira) that I put together with Photoshop. Frankly, I’m really pleased at how it turned out. (See below for the original 1950’s comic art.)

Art by Bill Ward from the story "I Danced with Heartbreak" in DIARY LOVES #9, 1951.

Art by Bill Ward from the story “I Danced with Heartbreak” in DIARY LOVES #9, 1951.

 

Artist unknown. From the story "Censored" in ALL TRUE ROMANCE #2, 1951.

Artist unknown. From the story “Censored” in ALL TRUE ROMANCE #2, 1951.

 

↓ Transcript
Woman in a jail cell, smoking a cigarette. Has a chocolate stain on her mouth. Policeman is outside her cell.

CAPTION: If you outlaw chocolate, only criminals women will have chocolate!

1951 Artists: Bill Ward & Unknown Re-Creation: Diego Jourdan Pereira

DJP.lk176EmptyCellWithFigureChocolate

Ladies, Don’t Be Slobs!

Ladies, Don’t Be Slobs!

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story "Man Hater" in FIRST KISS #18, 1961.

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from the story “Man Hater” in FIRST KISS #18, 1961.

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Man in stained, tattered T-shirt sitting at a table with a bowl of food is bawling out a young woman.

MAN: No makeup? again? Watta slob!

18.3.2.4
1961 Art: Vince Colletta Studio Color: Allen Freeman