Men Are Like Fish

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from First Kiss #7, 1959.

Art by Vince Colletta Studio from First Kiss #7, 1959.

Men are like fish. Some are good catches—the kind you want to take home and mount…on your wall or whatever.

And others are scaly, slimy, smelly mistakes–undersized and sorta icky. Those are the ones you just want to throw back into the lake—after they pay for dinner, of course.

Meanwhile, back in the present…

See this art revamped and with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.

Oh, Clem!

Artist unknown. From Great Lover Romance #16, 1954.

Artist unknown. From Great Lover Romance #16, 1954.

Oh, Clem. When you kiss me like that—a little lower, please—it’s better than free cocktails at an under-age bar!

And then, when you kiss me like that—more tongue, Honey—it’s sweeter than a snow day on the first day of summer reform school. (Did I mention that I’m still 17…before we crossed the state line?)

And when you kiss me like THAT—keep going, Babe, you’ll get the hang of it yet—it almost makes me regret that you’re marrying my sister.

Meanwhile, back in the present…

See the modern version of this art with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.

Erma and Morris Shotbag

Erma & Morris

©2014 William Van Horn

The following is an excerpt from William Van Horn’s book “The Woes Garden.”

If there was one thing in life that was sacred to Erma Shotbag, it was keeping a promise. Even a promise to her husband, Morris.

“Morris,” she said to him one autumn day in 1927, “if you don’t stop sucking on that damned pipe, I promise I shall never speak to you again!”

Now Morris Shotbag was not a man earmarked by fate to achieve much in life and he knew it. Yes, when Fate did nod his way on that day so long ago he was ready.

Recently, on the occasion of his 80th wedding anniversary, Morris acknowledged that the only thing he still found difficult to do with a pipe in his mouth was eat spaghetti.

“Aside from that,” he chuckled, “I’ve managed just fine.”

Erma Shotbag had no comment.

Used with permission. The Woes Garden art and text ©2014 William Van Horn

Digging into William Van Horn’s “The Woes Garden”

The Cover of William Van Horn's "The Woes Garden"

My friend William Van Horn is a certified genius. (Or maybe a certified mechanic. I forget.) In any event, his writing and art are brilliant.

We’ve worked together many times on Disney comics. But Bill’s Disney work only channels a very narrow portion of his talent. Starting today, I’ll be occasionally showcasing samples from some of Bill’s unpublished work. Hopefully, it won’t be unpublished for long!

Woes Garden FlowerFirst up, a sample from Bill’s book “The Woes Garden.”  —John Lustig

 

Foreword:

The fictional spoofs in this book were inspired by a series of news fillers I encountered in one of our local papers in San Francisco, back in the Nineteen Sixties. They were usually no more than a column inch or two describing often-tragic events that nonetheless bordered on back comedy. Events that were downright surreal!

So just for fun, imagine that the following events described really happened. After all, who knows? In a world as screwy as ours they well could have.

—-William Van Horn

Read sample from The Woes Garden here.

 Used with permission. The Woes Garden art and text ©2014 William Van Horn

He Thinks I’m Cheap

Art possibly by Jack Sparling. From Great Lover Romances #14, 1954.

Art possibly by Jack Sparling. From Great Lover Romances #14, 1954.

I’m not really cheap. But I do try to keep my prices competitive.

Unfortunately, my costs—eatable underwear (32 flavors); whipped cream (nondairy alternative available); defibrillators (13 kazillion volts)—keep going up. And, if I don’t pass those costs onto my customers, then I can’t afford new jewelry.

Meanwhile, back in the present…

See the modern version of this art with new, funny dialogue in today’s Last Kiss Comic.