Shame on you! You know that thing you did? That horrible, rotten thing? You should be ashamed!
This is your chance to feel good about being ashamed. Wallow in it all day. Enjoy your shame. That way you won’t have to feel guilty the other 364 days of the year.
Wait a minute, though. You say you don’t have anything to be ashamed of?
Holy purgatory! What’s wrong with you? If you’re not ashamed of something—then your life is too *&^% boring!
You need to do something shameful today!
Steal a kiss. Sleep with the head of the CIA. Eat the ears of the ears off your kids’ chocolate Easter bunnies—before Easter and possibly before you buy them. Date a Republican.
And if you don’t? It’ll be a shame.