Ask Mr. Last Kiss

Mr. Last Kiss solves your problems the old-fashioned way. He guesses!

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Dear Mr. Last Kiss:

Disoriented from an overdose of
double-rum raisin cake and triple-tequila smoothies, I recently
wandered into a comic shop and
accidentally read a few hundred comics.

Of course, I didn’t buy any! But, ever since, I’ve had a craving for more!

I feel guilty, though. Shouldn’t I be
watching TV instead? Aren’t comics just literary junk food?

--Frantic in Frisco

Dear Frantic:

Not at all! Eaten in sensible
quantities, comics can be a rich source of mindless violence and absurd fantasies! Of course, if you actually believe anything in comics (especially what you’re reading right now) you’re probably doomed.

--Mr. Last Kiss

MAN: Everything I know, I learned from comic books!

Daddy’s Girl

While tearing off a game of golf
I may make a play for the caddy
But when I do, I don’t follow through
Cause my heart belongs to Daddy

–Cole Porter, from “My Heart Belongs to Daddy”

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.

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SCENE: A man and a woman look out at a beautiful lake. There are mountains in the distance.

MAN: Someday I'll inherit Dad's Fortune! Marry me and all this will be yours!

WOMAN: Gosh! Couldn't I just marry your dad and have it now?

Let’s Hear It for…Me!

Is clone love right for you? Take this simple test (twice) and find out:

–If you marry a clone of yourself and you end up getting a divorce, who gets custody of your ego?

–If you fall out of love with yourself, who’s fault is it?

–If you sue yourself, who wins–besides your lawyers?

If you answered any of these questions then you have too much free time and are probably gullible enough to fall for this scheme. So order your clone today! Just send me a DNA sample and a blank check! Then allow six to eight weeks for instant satisfaction!

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SCENE: A man is on a theater stage facing an adoring crowd of applauding people. He has his arms upraised and is obviously enjoying the applause.

MAN (thinking): I’m so cool! I’d marry myself...if it weren’t for those darn cloning laws!

Are Comics Fattening?

This is the second of two Last Kiss comics that’ll appear in the “food” issue of the new Slam Bang anthology that debuts April 24, 2010 at the Small Press and Alternative Comics Expo (S.P.A.C.E.) I won’t be there, but Slam Bang publisher (and Last Kiss colorist) Allen Freeman will be selling Slam Bang at his table. Drop by, tell him you’re a Last Kiss fan, and get a free Last Kiss note card.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? To read this comic in German click here.

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SCENE: A waiter in a small diner talks to a young woman at her as she sits at the restaurant counter.

CAPTION: I was born in Comicstown! But I craved real literature! I yearned for Tolstoyville! Hemingway Hills! Or even Dr. Seuss City! Friends begged me to stay! They offered me Slam Bang and Last Kiss! But nothing tempted me...’til that fateful day at the Cape 'n Cowl Cafe...

WAITER: You don't read comics? Well...I'll fix that! I'll give you a free doughnut for every comic you read!

WOMAN: Give me a stack of X-Men, you fiend! And keep 'em coming!

Fast Food Romance

This is one of two Last Kiss comics that’ll appear in the “food” issue of the new Slam Bang anthology that debuts this weekend at the Small Press and Alternative Comics Expo (S.P.A.C.E.) I won’t be there, but Slam Bang publisher (and Last Kiss colorist) Allen Freeman will be selling Slam Bang at his table. Drop by, tell him you’re a Last Kiss fan, and get a free Last Kiss note card.

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SCENE, PANEL 1: A man and a woman drive up to a hot dog stand.

WOMAN: Another cheap date? Great! The more you save the sooner you can buy me...

SCENE, PANEL 2: The woman hold out her hand.

WOMAN: ...an engagement right!

MAN: Babe, right now, all I can offer you is an onion right!

SCENE, PANEL 3: Man munches on a hot dog as woman looks on.

MAN: But someday I’ll buy you a Diamond Ring as big as your
appetite! And we’ll be eatin’ fancy food that isn‘t served in a
paper bag!

WOMAN: Hot dog!