Sex for Nitwits

Sex for Nitwits

by | Mar 18, 2010 | Uncategorized

Order now. Operators are standing by. And they’re getting cranky!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: A young couple are kissing on a porch. Two identical books are on the porch steps.

HEADLINE TEXT: Are You a Failure at Fornication?

TEXT: A mating dropout? A loving loser?
Then you need the book that’s helped millions…beget more millions:

BOOK TITLE: Sex for Nitwits!

TEASER TEXT: --Learn about sex at home--alone!
--New edition with more pictures!
--Fewer big words!
--And! Shorter! Sentences!

TESTIMONIAL: “Sex for Nitwits changed my life!”
--Votta Von Tramp,
Last Kiss Home for Unwed Moms!

MAN (KISSING WOMAN): I bought two copies so I’d learn twice as much!

WOMAN: I bought three!

Sailor Beware

Sailor Beware

by | Mar 16, 2010 | Uncategorized

See the world. Date the Navy!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Woman kisses a sailor as another couple looks on.

WOMAN KISSING SAILOR: At last...my collection is complete! I have a sailor in every port!

I Love You! Honest!

I Love You! Honest!

by | Mar 14, 2010 | Uncategorized

I’m not lying. I’m just exploring an alternative reality…

↓ Transcript
SCENE: Man and woman talking.

MAN: I’ve stopped sleeping with my ex-wife! And I’m almost cured of my need to always lie!

WOMAN: At last...we can get married!

Dental Delusions

Dental Delusions

by | Mar 11, 2010 | Uncategorized

Brought to you by Virgin Bright–the only tooth paste that makes your teeth and your reputation shine!

↓ Transcript
SCENE: A woman brushes her teeth.

WOMAN: Gosh! I feel so clean and minty fresh! It's like regaining my virginity...between meals!

Department of Homeland Romances

Department of Homeland Romances

by | Mar 9, 2010 | Uncategorized

Operators are standing by! Call now and hire us…before your he does!

↓ Transcript
SMILING WOMAN: Are you looking for a romance that's secure, patriotic and 100-percent American? Then you need...

The Department of Homeland Romances!

The only dating service that offers...

--Extensive background checks...going back to birth! And beyond!
--Electronic surveillance...to find out if he's right for you!
--Misinformation! Don't bother lying to impress him! We'll do it for you!
--Torture! We'll fine out how he really feels about you...plus what makes him cry like a little girl!

We guarantee if you're not satisfied...there's something wrong with you!