What are these people saying?

4.2.5.1

What are these people saying? It’s up to you. Suggest some dialog! Please keep it reasonably clean (PG-13 or so.) But mostly have fun!

All submissions become the property of Last Kiss Inc.

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55 Comments

  1. Phew, I’d give it 5 minutes if I were you.

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  2. I’m here to read the meter, Mr. Peter.

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  3. I’m sorry Mr. Gladstone, but this is 1963. Nothing is quick when a girdle’s involved.

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  4. Whew! That’s the dress I was going to wear, but I grabbed the suit first!

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  5. Woman (1): I’m ready for your report, Mr Doe.
    Man (thinking): Woa, what a dress. I need that one for myself
    Woman (2 – thinking): Why does he stare like that? Men is all alike, mere beasts… I love BEASTS!

    (side note: sorry for the bad english – not my native language – but I enjoyed trying writing something I thought funny – I hope you will enjoy it too. I have just bumped into that very web site and well, love that! I will still digging into the content freely available and then, try to find out how to support the author, as I live in France where I never saw any merchandises about last kiss)

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    • As a former English teacher, you get an A+.

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  6. Arg! found a typo after posting, what a shame:

    Woman (2 – thinking): Why does he stare me like that? Men is all alike, mere beasts… I love BEASTS!

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    • Don’t worry about the typos, LoneWolf. I think you’re doing great. Besides, your English is a lot better than my French!

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  7. Lady: Remember . . . dinner tonight with my parents, dear.

    Tramp: Great! How about fast food?

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  8. Say…..You’re not bad looking for a $20 whore!

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  9. Guy: Welcome home, darling. How was your day?
    Lady: Same as usual.
    Guy: Great. Want to celebrate in the bedroom?
    Lady: No – I separate work and private life strictly.

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  10. Yes damn it.. You look fat.. Now take it off!

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    • I like this but might suggest just a slight change:
      “Yes that dress makes you look fat. You’d better take it off…NOW.”

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  11. WOMAN: I’m leaving you… and I’m taking the comic artist with me.

    MAN: How do you expect me to live in a blue limbo without a face?

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  12. WIFE: Let’s stay indoors today. The forecast calls for Yellow with a chance of scattered Mustard.

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  13. Woman thought bubble: Look at that, he has pants on for once!

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  14. Woman: Honey–I can’t help but notice that my panties are all stretched out. You wouldn’t know anything about that–now would you?

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  15. “You’re right – panties are flushable!”

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  16. she: john I’m leaving you, you lied to me.
    john: honey , get over it, I was just campaigning

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  17. She ” Were we going to the office Christamas party or a funeral? He “What’s the difference?”

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  18. She: You and that damn computer what’s it got I don’t
    He: It doesn’t ask stupid questions, but then again it doesn’t look good in a dress.

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  19. He says; “Ah!, I guess you caught me with my hands in the till!”
    she thinks; “Thats some register receipt!”

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  20. She: Merry Christmas!
    Him: Uh…I’m Jewish.

    Weak, I know.

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  21. Man, “OH MY GOD DON’T LOOK!!!”
    Woman, “What? It’s not like I haven’t seen anything like that before…”
    She thinks, “Well, not that small anyways…”

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  22. The guy says: “If I wasn’t married, I would ask her to marry me.”

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  23. He: Oh, you’re home early! I was just showing my new friend Mona here our bed —- room.

    She: Don’t you think she’d have a better view if she was standing up.

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  24. WOMAN: No wonder the list price on this house was so low. The artist was too lazy to draw anything but the front door.

    BROKER: And the lamp. Don’t forget the lamp. Plus, if you buy this place on a land contract, I’ll have the artist sketch in a toilet.

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    • I like yours, BEMaven. Plays the fourth wall very nicely. 🙂

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  25. Face it, Tiger, you’ve hit …. Oh wait, you’re not Tiger!

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  26. Jack – “Hi hon. What’s that in your hand?”
    Jill – “Oh, . . a divorce document.”

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  27. Woman: “I’m heading off to work, honey – see you later.”
    Man: “Yes, dear – but make sure to close up that incision before you go – your viscera are showing again.”

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  28. He, thought ballon: ‘Thank you, Santa!’

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  29. Man: Go… Make me a sammich!

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  30. She ” In NASCAR the Blue/Yellow flag signals the slow cars to get out of the way of the fast cars” He ” If you know that, why are you still dressed?”

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  31. Man (aloud): You must be my blind date.

    Woman (thought): Considering how you look, I wish I was blind.

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  32. HE is saying: “Gee, Frank, not a lot of guys could carry off that look, but on you…”

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  33. Her: Pack your bags, Honey! I won the lottery?
    Him: What should I pack?
    Her: I don’t care … just get out!

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    • Har har har, I LOVE that joke! Glad someone thought of using it!

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  34. MAN SPEAKING:
    Bob… you look so (delicious) different!

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  35. The woman … aka “Mavis” — Johnny, you’re looking a bit blue.

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  36. Man: Maggie, come back to me!
    Woman (thinking): I was only holding on ’til Jill gets divorced!

    Couldn’t resist making a Cat On A Hot Tin Roof reference, the lady looks like Elizabeth Taylor! 😉
    I know no one was named Jill in the play, but how is her turn if you know what I mean, haha.

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  37. Man: I told you to stay out of my closet
    Woman: And I told YOU that you can’t be prettier than me when we go out

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  38. “You are just in time. My zipper appears to be stuck.”

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  39. man: “Sorry, the ocean exhibit is closed after 5:00pm.”

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  40. Tool-box is the name and plumbing’s my game. Where is your blocked toilet ?

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  41. She: Mr. Dorchester, I’ve had it. I quit. I’ve never in my life worked for such a boob!
    He (thought bubble): Mmmmmm. Boobs.

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  42. Wooof!

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  43. WOMAN: Wha–? YOU’RE not SHELDON!
    MAN: Neither are YOU!

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  44. He: Oops, awkward! As long as you’re here, would you hand me a kleenex?

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  45. Dang it Jane–get your own little black number!

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  46. Man: Yes honey, this is Jim. No honey he doesn’t have any clothes on. Would you believe I was giving him a colonoscopy? Would you believe I was treating him for itchy butt? How about diaper rash?

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  47. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, the holodeck and thou.

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  48. Yes, so what if I’m making bunny shadows on the wall!

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  49. Woman: It’s a boy!

    Man: But I’m infertile!

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  50. Strobe lights at the disco???

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